24th November 2017
I am standing tall
Well, as tall as I can for a 5’4″ woman!
I am happy to report that I am pretty much over this. Now, when I look at the image of Thomas that I have on my mobile and the images that I have used, with his kind permission, on my various blogs, posts and website, I no longer lament the loss of my “WhatsApp Romance”. I am over it.
I am proud of who I am. I am proud of how I have dealt with this. A few years ago I would surely have been crushed by such a revelation. That said, perhaps a few years ago I would have been less likely to have been suckered in – but if I had been, the emotional fall out for me would have been devastating. I think what is different today, is that I am actually READY for a new romance in my life!
As I said in one of my messages to Fake-Thomas, I felt that in the short time we had been interacting, I had learned so much about relationships.
Can you share with me?
he asked me.
I eagerly responded:
yes …number 1 …you just need to want it …No 2 … the language you use is very powerful
And so I actually gave him the recipe that would hook me in, so convinced was I, that what was making the difference to our blossoming “relationship” was the caring and loving words that we used when chatting. Ironically, it was the power of the words he was using and how he used them that lured me in (ok, that and the fact that the images were of a pretty cute guy! Hey – I’m only human, right?).
The power of words
Indeed, the power of words are so strong, that fakers are taking online training courses on “how to get a woman to fall in love with you”. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, one faker inadvertently sent the training link to his dupe.
Now, I am a bit of a pedantic language buff. I extol the explicit use of words and their meaning. Having studied linguistics as part of my psychology degree, I have always been fascinated by the power of words and how these cue memory.
Memory, is after all, what is at play when we get those delicious feelings that course through our body when we are falling for someone. A while back I came across a really, cool, if not whacky, chiropractitioner who posts his lectures on Youtube. In one of his lectures, he explains what feelings are. That they are memories that are triggered by external stimuli.
This resonated with me – and during the heady days of my “WhatsApp Romance” I was intrigued about the intensity of my feelings and so I did some further research. One article I came across likened falling in love with having a it from cocaine! Not that I am advocating the use of illicit drugs you understand.
This knowledge, did serve, though, to help me deal with what had happened. I knew I wasn’t really in love with Fake-Thomas, he had simply triggered memories and feelings that allowed my limbic system to go into overdrive. This then triggered a tsunami (my new favourite word) of hormones that gave me that delicious and intense heady feeling of falling in love. Of course, real love comes later.
What I realised though, and something that had occurred to me long before this sorry tale, is that the way we feel, whether that be happiness, sadness or hurt – we do to ourselves. The actions of other people can be the trigger – but it is us, and our internal responses that create how we are feeling, and this is something that we can very much control with knowledge and know how (more on that later).
To be crushed or not to be crushed
This explains why I have responded so differently to being duped than the women who have reached out to me since I started my campaign to raise awareness and fightback against online fakery and scammers.
One lady in particular is still traumatised by what happened to her. In her case, she actually was persuaded to part with cash. Fortunately for me, that would have been all the proof I needed that Fake-Thomas was a scam artist and for me to hightail it out of there. Yet another lady was eagerly expecting her crush to fly over to see her – once he had raised the money to send to him for the flight!
It is not possible for me to read in detail every word she written me, nor to respond with advice. I recognise what is needed is simply someone to offload to, without judgement or fear of humiliation. That I can do. And offer a few words of support.
This is why I am so determined to continue with this. Now that the hard yards of setting up the website, and the various other platforms, I can let this take its natural course without it overtaking my life. After all, I do have one – and one for which I am particularly grateful.
So, it is time to bring this latest missive to an end. I do hope that you will find some value in what I write, and if anything here resonates with you, please do like, comment and share.
All images of Captain Thomas Lindegaard are used with his kind permission. These remain his sole copyright and should not be used in anyway without his express consent. He can be reached via Facebook Messenger @CaptainThomasLindegaard to report any profiles that have contacted you using his images. You can also check out his Fake Alert page on Facebook by clicking the link.