Dear diary…

30th November 2017 07:48

So, this morning  is the first morning since since Fake-Thomas-Gate that I haven’t reached for my Dear diary blog as soon as I am out of bed.  Instead, this morning, I have been having a lil Tweet about other issues that are close to my heart.  Ok, so the Mason jar aren’t close to my heart, but the other topics I Tweeted about are.

Not sure where to start this morning, Dear diary, as I have a few things on my mind.

Not least that I continue to receive messages about dupes online – and Fake-Thomas’s still trying to befriend unsuspecting women on #Facebook.  This one despite being reported to Mr Facebook!


He is in my friends list


When my paid subscriptions end, I am done

I am still somewhat perturbed about online dating.  How difficult it is for anyone over a certain age, that the sites themselves seem to hold no moral compass when it comes to taking money from people who are unlikely to successfully receive a date via their site, and the scammers, fakers and plain weirdos!

I have two paid subscriptions.  One for a month, and the other – sadly, for six months!  Once these expire, I am done with online dating.  This whole sorry experience has not brought any potential dates into my life – just a bunch of disappointments.  Disappointment at the photo’s of the men that are contacting me – really – make an effort guys, and disappointment that the ones that I do have a modicum of interest in are too far away to make an initial dating scenario feasible.  Then there are the ones that simply want sex-talk.  Don’t get me wrong, dear diary, sexy-chat is not necessarily a bad thing – in the right context, and with someone that you have developed some level of relationship with.

Then there are the onlines that are free, but for which you pay for extras to get highlighted etc etc.  Sure, this results in a flurry of activity – but are these any more suitable than the search function?  In my experience that would be a resounding NO!

The online is dire

One dating site that I have been registered with a few years and have dipped in and out a couple of times with paid membership, is #MySingleFriend.  You know, the one that #SarahBeeny set up.  Well, I guess if you look like SB and – have SB’s life – maybe you would be successful at the online.  Or maybe, a more cynical view is that she just saw a business opportunity.  Come to think of it – maybe she didn’t create the site and is simply a bought-for-well-known- face to lend it credibility?

I keep forgetting to look at MySingleFriend as it is one of the few (if not the only one) that does not have an app.  Now an app, Dear diary, takes the effort out of looking for “something – anything” online.

So yesterday, I logged in and did a search using my preferred age range.  The site came up with about 57 matches.  Hmm …. I paid £27.00 for 57 age-related matches?  So, hoping beyond hope there would be a morsel of an interesting profile, I decided to check them out.  Easy to do so on MySingleFriend as the gallery has enough information to decide if you want to click on the pic and take a closer look.

I was shocked.  Crestfallen.  More than a little annoyed, Dear diary.  Out of the 57 potential matches – only ONE had been online within the last six months.  Ok – so when I looked a little closer – that would be TWO.  The remainder of the “matches” had all NOT been online within the last six months.  So either they had moved on – or they simply gave up with online.

One or two decent pictures

Ok, so I cheered up a little when I saw that there were one or two decent looking guys within this 57.  So, I decided to be bold and send them a message.  How to stand out I pondered?  Oh, I know … let’s put my humour at the forefront and make the odd quip about online.  That should elicit a response.  Oh boy.  Did it.  This is one not so kind exchange:

Online is dire

WHAT??!!!  Cold?  Rude?  Did I really deserve that?  This response took me aback. I am not a cold or rude person.  Ok, so I can be a little rude sometimes when a service provider is getting on my last nerve, but those who know me know that this descriptive assumption is way off the mark.

It certainly wasn’t the response that I expected.  Perhaps the adjective that is missing here is – passive aggressive – and I’m not talking about me!

What this guy could not know, is that I had displayed a tremendous amount of warmth with Fake-Thomas.  That I had used caring and loving language in the new found knowledge that the language you use is so crucial to developing relationships.  Whoa … hang on – lest I forgot, that whole exchange was based on a lie!  I was not building a potential relationship – I was unwittingly being drawn into a scammer’s lair.

Now it really is time to let it go

As I write this, Dear diary, what I realise is that what happened to me is no one else’s problem but my own.  Who cares?  I didn’t hand over £000’s and so no harm done, right?  The only people who truly have empathy for what happened to me – are the people who experienced similar themselves.  Not my friends, not my family and certainly not ex-friend.  The people that try to engage me in conversation are simply curious – or even just a little nosy.  It is an unwelcome trait of human kind to want to rake over every last detail of other people’s misfortune.  Why else do people rubber-neck at motorway pile ups?

I am no worse off than I was before.  So I need to let it go.  I thought I had – but if I am still ballbusting online, then clearly I haven’t.  All I am doing by being that way is attracting the guys who like to be dominated (go figure!) and putting off the guys who are half way decent.  That said, I didn’t lose anything from the above exchange as he lives the other end of the country.  To be brutally honest, to display such arrogance so early on was eye opening about the individual himself.  I hate arrogance of any kind.

With that in mind, that thought brings me to this question …. was my message to Mr Arrogant a little arrogant itself?  Maybe.  That was not my intention though.  My intention was to stand out (which it did) elicit a response (which it did) – unfortunately, it seems, for all the wrong reasons.

Well dear diary, it is time for me to leave this here.  I am not sure that I have covered what I set out to; what was uppermost in my mind.  As typically, once I start writing, I let the thoughts flow and go where they want to go.  Being in the flow, so to speak.  More on that later – but perhaps under my professional hat of success coach.


Carol xOxO

Website     Facebook page      Twitter  @BeYourBestSelf2 / Twitter @FakeDatingRebel   Social Media Groups

The only image of Captain Lindegaard that I remain attached to. I am working on that!

As ever, images of Captain Thomas Lindegaard are used with his kind permission.  Copyright remains with him and these should not be used for any reason without his explicit consent.

If you are approached on any site from a profile using images of this man (Captain Thomas Lindegaard), please be aware that there is a Tsunami of fake profiles out there using his images.

You can no longer report such occurrences to him as he is, for the time being at least, no longer on Facebook.


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