Dear Diary: Lost in cyberland!

Dear diary

31st May 2018

Ok, so I concede – I have ventured back into cyberland dating.  Match.com lured me back with 600 views and 50-odd winks and 10 or so messages.  I got curious so I paid my dues.  Seems I never learn, as my heart sank at more of the same old same old.  I was also seduced to try eHarmony again after reading a press article about a match to marriage within 9 months.  (I guess I should have checked whether it was a sponsored storyline).  This story caught my eye as he was in the UK and she was in the States.  So, distance romance does work then!  Of course, they were in the 30s age bracket and I’m not quite sure a 50-something is going to meet the man of her dreams in this way.  Heck, I can’t even seem to meet the man-not-of-my-dreams.  I am getting a lot of attention from youngsters though – and if they are canny enough, a bit of banter doesn’t go amiss.

Of course, as soon as distance-guy-fake-gate became the reality rather than a possibility, I tapped off a text to my nice looking sex addict.  That reminds me, my new favourite line in response to anyone trying to engage me in sexy chat is:

If I wanted that kind of chat I have a very nice sex addict on speed dial!

Seriously, I actually did use that line yesterday!

I updated my profiles to take out the spikiness in the hopes of sharing that I don’t really hate men, I don’t think they are all fakes, flakes or frogs – but it doesn’t seem to have made much difference so far.  Ok, so it is not quite 12 hours since I paid up – but a girl is ageing by the minute!  Did I just call myself girl?  Hmmm … my sarcastic retort to one guy calling me girl suggests to me that I have linguistic double standards.

So, I wonder what is in store for me?  Instead of feeling excited at the prospect of getting to know a few new people and the possibility of a date or two, or three, I feel decidedly dejected and depressed.  Am I really here again?  Glutton for punishment does not begin to describe it – I really am unsure as to why I am putting myself through this again.

I did check out what is going on locally to see if there was anything I could rock up to that I might come into contact with a few guys – but nada.  It also seems that I need to live in any other town in the UK to find a nice date.  Without exception, all the guys I like the look of are over 200 miles away!  The cynic in me wonders if the dating sites set their algorithms to only show good matches at a distance!

Oh, a lovely interruption there from my sex-addict-guy:

When can I see you?

I do think he is cute, and I do think that he is a much nicer guy than he pretends to be … and maybe one day I will meet up with him.  Certainly the banter does make me feel a little better and is a distraction from my recent disappointment.  I am not convinced though, that he is not already attached.  A nice looking man in his 40s, single?  It doesn’t make sense.  Dallying with another woman’s man is a step too far and not one I intend to breach.  I have challenged him on this a few times and he assures me he is single as:

I’m not very good at relationships.

Hmmm … that may be due to the sex addiction then.   I do believe that we are all, as  individuals, responsible for our own consciences, however, knowing, or even suspecting that a man is in a committed relationship with another woman is a non-negotiable boundary for me.  Dating on the other hand, I don’t have a problem with a guy seeing other women, as long as he has no problem with me seeing other men (I should be so lucky).  After all, initially, dating is about getting to know someone, trying them out, and seeing whether you want to take things further.

So, dear diary, it looks as though I have jumped back into the mire … ahem … ok, so that attitude is not going to attract many dates.  I will be on my best behaviour, and treat it as the tool it is.  No dear diary, I meant the dating sites, not the guys!

I’ll be sure to let you know how I get on.

Later

Carol xOxO

p.s. I will be soooo grateful when I stop seeing “Siggy” when I glance at Mr Dahl’s pictures – one day at a time, I guess.

 

Dear diary: outing the fakes

Dear diary

29th May 2018 20:15

These images were some of the photos that were used in a romance scam.  The man featured in these pictures is a real person, by the name of Per Gunnar Dahl.  There is no suggestion that he has any connection whatsoever to this scam, and is an innocent party.  From what I have been able to determine, Mr Dahl has a prominent profile in Norway and this is most likely how he has come to the attention of the scammers.

 

 

It is likely that email, Telegram and mobile numbers will be changed, but here is a reminder of those details:

Name used Sigvard Aloisio Torvald, Siggy, Sig
Email s.torvald@outlook.com
Telegram user name @Sigggy
Mobile number +16 0422 77 488
Dating site username Looking4vikingman

Unfortunately, real numbers can be disguised and so I do not know where this scammer is located.

I would ordinarily seek permission to use the images, however, I have been unable to make contact with the real Per Gunnar Dahl.  It is important, I believe, to share these pictures to warn other women.

The copyright for the images remains with Per Gunnar Dahl.

 

Dear Diary: So it did happen again!

Dear Diary

27th May 2018 23:23 

Just as well I am too stingy to part with my cash.  I now have incontrovertible proof that the man (or should I say men) I have been interacting with for the last 5 months is fake!

If you come across a Sigvard Aloisio Torvald then beware – even typing his name feels difficult and wrong as that name is so familiar to me.  This person also uses Looking4Vikingman as a username on dating websites and I came across him on Zoosk.  I know that he also has a profile on Naturalfriends.co.uk although he doesn’t have an image on that one.  He said that he came off Zoosk after we “met” but may actually simply have blocked me so that I could no longer see his profile.  The email he goes by is s.torvald@outlook.com.  He purported to be Norwegian living in Canada and relocating to the UK.  He uses Telegram instant messenger service with the user name @Sigggy and the mobile number he uses is +16 0422 77 488.  Unfortunately it is all too easy to disguise a number these days to look as though it is coming from any country of a scammer’s choosing.

I won’t share the profile pictures here as these are of a real person, and so far I have not found any evidence of multiple profiles using the images.  If you do come across a man with this name though, please do contact me and send me a picture.  I can let you know if it is the same man and also recommend that you do a google reverse image search.  Unfortunately for me, this did not throw up a concern early on when I did this but when I used it again today, I got a hit

Make no mistake, this is big business to these people and they keep going as they do make many millions out of it.  It is organised crime and very slick.

Early on, he even sent me a copy of his passport, which I found particularly strange.  I was already aware though, that a fake passport had been used in one of the #FakeThomas scams and so I was cautious about that.  Never completely trust pictures of identification documents that are sent to you.  The only foolproof is to see that person stood in front of you.

That is all I have to say on the matter, dear diary.  Suffice to say .. I’m off dating permanently!

Later, (maybe)

Carol xOxO

Dear diary: The truth is I will never know

Dear Diary

11th May, 2018

I have talked at length about the role of the amygdala, and how it is excited when stimuli activates it.  I also talked about how, once the stimuli is no longer present, the feelings go away; and that this is the mechanism by which we can feel as though we are in love with someone we have not met.

So why do I feel so sad?  Why does it feel as though there is a physical pain in my chest?  Is it because 4 months down the line, the feelings had become a habit?  It is a well known phenomenon that habits take 21 days to form.  Or is it because I have blown it with a good man?

The sad truth of the matter is that I will never know.  Yes, I am sure I could have handled what happened differently – but to be honest, if the exact circumstances were presented to me again I would have drawn the same assumptions and conclusions – wouldn’t you?  The fact that he may not see it that way is his problem rather than mine.  Ok – so it has caused me a problem – but hey …life goes on.  Right?

I don’t want to become stuck with this.  Is it just me or is there a pathetic irony that the one person that you want to speak to is the one person that you are no longer connected to?  I’m not good at keeping silent when I have something on my mind.  The last thing I want to do is cause further hurt to the other person involved in this sorry saga.  This is drama.  I am creating drama.  I don’t want drama in my life.  I don’t want to be that person causing drama.

So yesterday I took the unprecedented step of deleting our texts, messages and emails.  I removed his number from my phone.  Ok, so I wrote it down and secreted it somewhere that I won’t come across it unless I purposely decide to do so.  I owe it to myself and to him to leave it untouched.

I didn’t share much about my blossoming “relationship” with the people in my life.  Not least because scepticism is a mood killer, but also, because well meaning opinions can lead to disagreements.

So what now?  How do I move on as quickly as possible from the hurt and disappointment?  For that is surely what I have to do as I cannot expect him to forgive me for a third time.  I have decided to let serendipity take the reigns.

Did I make a mistake in not trusting him?  The truth is I will never know.

If love is meant for me, it can come find me as I can no longer put myself through the dilemmas, disappointments and damage that can be online dating.  Yes, I know it works for some.  I am just not one of them.  So, serendipity it is!

Later

Carol xoxo

 

WOW …life goes on

Dear Diary 

Dear diary, I have deleted the image showing the name and picture of the man that I came to believe was fake.  In a moment of clarity ….ok well, I think I will keep that to myself.  I have no wish to cause him any harm.  I am not convinced he is a fake … if he is not, he is incredibly stupid.

4th May 2018

So it has been a struggle the last few days to come to terms with how things have played out with my would-be-distant-paramour.  I knew I had made a HUGE mistake, the problem was … I did not know whether that was in trusting him in the first place or not trusting him.  Not knowing was eating me up inside.

I sent him an email outlining exactly why I believed he fit the “profile”.  I suppose I did this because my heart did not want to believe it was true, and if I was wrong – I wanted him to understand why I was yet again accusing him.

The silence in response was deafening.  If there is one thing worse than not knowing, it is being ignored.  My problem is …if I don’t know 100%, then I have a tendency to pick at the scab to provoke a response.

This morning, I sent the above to him and then deleted the app that we had been exchanging messages on.  I had already deleted it, but as I was struggling with this – I reloaded it hoping to get some kind of acknowledgement from him.

This morning I did … although I no longer had the app, the message came via the browser on my phone.  The message exchange says it all.

IMAGE DELETED

 

In my earlier post I did not reveal his identity.  Even now, I am not entirely convinced that he is fake, and part of me wants to believe that he is saying it to enable me to move on.  Ha!  My critical friend on my shoulder is reminding me not to be such a fool.  I guess it is human nature to hold onto hope.

A last word for the person who took the time to comment on my last post – although I did not authorise it to be shown…. you are entitled to your opinion.  If sharing my story helps to warn other women then I choose to out the fakes.  I know who you are, because I recognise the name and email address.

You need to stop this obsession of catching fake profiles on dating sites.
You were conned. Get over it and get on with your life.

I suppose on one level it is hugely embarrassing to admit that I have been caught out again.  But then, all along I had my doubts – but I did not and will not let this stop me from looking for love.  It just won’t be with anyone that is not able to meet up quickly.

All that is left for me to say, is don’t give up on love.  Don’t let the fakes win.  And above all else, no matter how attached you become – if you haven’t met them – you cannot 100% trust them until you do.

Take care of yourselves, and be safe

Carol xoxo

 

 

Dear diary …

Sunday, 28th January 2018

It is a lovely (nearly) sunny Sunday morning, and all is good in my world.  Ok, so I am getting over a virus but my sore throat has now gone and my coughing isn’t so bad when I am up and about and moving around.

I’ve exchanged a few chatty messages with a couple of new guys – one that I really like, but who lives a tad far away.  No matter – we are going to try to meet up the next time he is within reasonable distance for business.  The other, just a short train ride away, but so far meh!

I have four dates under my belt now, or five if you count the second date with no. 3.  The Fourth one didn’t go so well – I mean, technically it was fine – but I couldn’t wait to get out of there.  I had nothing in common with this guy – at least, I have no way of knowing if I had anything in common with him as he quite literally dominated the conversation and talked nonstop  from the second he sat down to the moment I made my excuses to leave.  (When I say conversation, I am being generous – a conversation requires that both parties have a turn to speak).

Fifty minutes in, he thought to ask me a question.  I started to answer, but this was soon kicked into touch as he then went on to tell me his version of what I had just shared with him.  Thirty minutes into the coffee date and I couldn’t wait to get out of there, I was so bored.  I resolved to at least give it an hour, and in the event, it took 1.5 hours before he stopped talking long enough for me to say “I have to head off soon …..”.  He looked surprised at this; maybe he thought we were getting on like a house on fire – but then how would he know as he was only paying attention to himself and his relentless (boring) chatter.

Outside of the venue, he asked me which way I was walking, and so I hastily pointed in the opposite direction to they way he was facing (and where he had parked his car).  I thanked him for the coffee, and started to move away.  At this point, he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek – so he kinda missed, but his lips fleeting brushed my skin.  Awkward!

So, I suppose 3 out of 4 is not bad.  Three guys were lovely dates and I enjoyed spending time with them.  Ok, so the first two I did want to take further – but never-the-less, I am glad I met them.  Number 3, I enjoyed a second date with, and would be happy to continue dating and exploring.  So far so good, but I remain ‘window shopping’.

One date at a time?

It was during an interesting conversation with distance-chatty-guy last nigh that I coined the term ‘window shopping’.  The message exchange reinforced my view that ‘dating’ means different things to different people.  It was during this conversation that I coined the term ‘window shopping’.  He knew from our conversation that I had been on two date with No. 3, and he had responded to let him know if and when No. 3 bites the dust.

 

 

Now I thought that ‘dating’ meant that you could legitimately meet up with more than one guy; that there is no commitment made to an exclusive relationship until you both decide that is what you want to move onto.

 

It was also endearing to learn that men find dating anxiety-inducing too.

Men find dating nerve-wracking too

Although, it has to be said that dating no longer holds any fear for me.  As I said to distance-chatty-guy, I have my ‘armour’.  This is a little black dress that I feel good in when I wear. I dress it up or down depending on whether I am meeting for coffee for for an evening drink.  I would not ordinarily wear this dress during the day, but it looks good with a gorgeous scarf that my sister gave me for Christmas – and hey, we all need a confidence boost to get over those first date nerves.

Well, time for me to get on with my day – and get cracking on finding date number 5!

Later,

Carol xOxO

 

 

Dear diary…

25th January 2018

Oh .. on checking the date for my diary, I am reminded that it is my late mother’s birthday!  So happy birthday, mum, I hope you are celebrating ‘wherever’ you are.

So, it has been a while since my last post.  I am happy to report that I have enjoyed 4 real live dates, (two with the same man) and I have another to look forward tomorrow.  It seems as though I have benefitted from the typical ‘January Sales’, as prior to Christmas there wasn’t really very much happening!

Here’s my recipe for surviving that first date!

  1. Arrange to meet quickly; don’t overcook the introduction
  2. Choose comfortable but smart clothes; so you can focus on the cooking rather than fidgeting with your hemline/neckline
  3. Choose a familiar venue; so you don’t have to worry about the ingredients
  4. Don’t drink too much; you don’t want the dish to spoil through over cooking
  5. Always know how you are going to get home; you don’t want to end up with ‘food poisoning’ due to poor planning
  6. Always send a polite thank you text – even if you don’t plan to see your date again; good manners cost nothing and karma influences the overall banquet

I measure success by a) whether I enjoyed myself and b) whether they ask to see me again.  It does not matter whether I don’t want to see them again, as the goal has been achieved.  I am not expecting Mr Perfect to fall into my lap right now  – but I can honestly say that each of the three men that I have met up with have been very nice, and I enjoyed their company.  I certainly don’t start my date hoping “this is the one”.  I look forward to getting to know the person, and seeing if there is a spark.  No great expectations means no great disappointments.

The hardest part is breaking the no-date-yet syndrome

Now that I have enjoyed a number of successful dates, it feels so easy.  Each of the men that I have met, I have agreed to meet quickly; this meant that there was no fear.  I wasn’t fretting about whether I looked good enough, whether I was slim enough or whether I would have anything interesting to say.  Why?  Because I wasn’t over invested before I met them.

The nice guy that I had been chatting to since before Christmas, and whom I “ditched” once it became clear he didn’t seem prepared to take a chance because of the distance; now that smarted – because I had allowed myself to become a little invested in him.  Although a little sad, as I would have loved to meet him for real – I soon got over it.

Just the beginning of the story

One thing that has become clear to me, is that when you get to my age, although lots of men want a significant relationship, they are unsure (or sometimes very sure) about wanting (or not, as the case may be) a full on relationship.  The guy that I have seen twice, although separated for a number of years, is only just finalising his divorce.  He said to me:

I don’t really know what I want.  I want a significant relationship, but I don’t want to live with someone.

Seems to me he verbalised clearly what he wants.  Perhaps he felt he needed to qualify that with “I don’t really know what I want” in an attempt to manage any expectations of his date.  Or maybe, it is simply true.  My response was:

I don’t know what I want either, but I do know what I don’t want.

That may seem a contradictory statement, but it makes sense in my own head.  What do I mean when I say this?  If I had to put it into words (which of course, I do seeing as I am referencing it in my blog), it would be that I am clear on what I don’t want but that I am open to options in terms of what I do want.  Is that any clearer?  No?  Ok, let me put it this way:

  1. I would never date a married man
  2. I would never date a man because of what he has
  3. I don’t want a man to “take care of me”, if I found one that was caring and supportive, that is different and very welcome
  4. I would not date a man that I did not find attractive, just to have someone to hang out with

What does dating mean to you?

I pose this question, as within a few minutes of meeting, one of my dates and I had a debate about what “dating” actually is.  Whereas I consider that dating is a social relationship where there is a potential for romance, but where you are not (yet) exclusive, he thought dating was rather an American perspective, and for him it was “going for a drink”.

Does this difference in terminology matter?  I suppose it might if the two people concerned wanted different things.  Some people really do go into this with the idea that the only thing they are looking for is a life mate.

For me, if I find someone that I consider to be so special that I want to commit to them – then that is a bonus.  However, I do not plan to remain a romance free zone just because I haven’t found “Mr-Right-For-Me”.

Late to the party

What is interesting for me, is that this is the first time ever in my life that I have ever actually ‘dated‘.  In my younger years, once you started meeting up with a guy, you pretty much were “courting” and in a relationship.  When I got with my ex, it was pretty instantaneous.  Perhaps that was because we had a history (we were together in our late teens/early 20s)?  I can’t really be sure on that as I don’t have a lot of experience to go on.

So for now, I am really enjoying my new found dating status.  In the past few weeks, I have learned a lot.  Although my dating guru counselled me to stick to one hour for the first date, so far they have been: 2 hours, 3 hours and 6 hours (yes really!).  I feel confident enough to not have to put a time framework around a date, as, if I felt really uncomfortable, I would simply say my goodbyes and leave.

I have discovered though, that I prefer a daytime coffee date for a first meeting.  If the interaction is going well, I am happy to extend that to a drink.  I also now know that for an evening date, I need to be disciplined and not go beyond 3 drinks.  Not just because I don’t want a hangover the next day, but also because you don’t know your date tipsy, and even the nicest guy can become a little louche under the influence.  Although the image in my head was the latter half of the date – I gave him a pass (after all, he had forewarned me that he sticks to ale for a reason!); and so we enjoyed a second date last night.

So, dear diary.  All is well in my world.  (Except for a raging sore throat – the pitfalls of venturing out and about!).

I would love to hear your dating stories – why not drop me a comment or an email?

Later

Carol xOxO

 

Stay safe online series #4: it is not just the love fakes we have to watch out for

“Love is all around us … everywhere you go…”

It has been an interesting few days.  I have enjoyed a couple of dates – both were successful in as much as both expressed an interest in seeing me again (a confidence boost I can tell you).  I also got drawn back in to all things fake when approached by someone concerned about her friend who had updated her #Facebook status to say that she was “in a relationship” with a profile that we both know to be fake.  This because, the profile is using #CaptainThomas ‘s images.

After a lengthy discussion, I agreed to send a message to the lady in question with links to my website, blog and Facebook page.  I did not get a response, however, a quick check showed a status change, back from “in a relationship …..” to “widowed”.  I do hope that this lady is able to reach out to her friends to support her, as I am sure she is feeling rather lost and bewildered.

What is love and what does it mean to YOU?

 

After some harsh words (on my part) I asked the man in question what he wanted.  He replied with this – no words, no bullshit.  They say a picture can paint a thousands words… well this “sticker” image cut right through to the core of what we are both looking for.

 

 

After a few days of not being in contact, I was sent this image this morning.  This from a man who simply wants to be part of my life.  Again, no words, but a very simple message.

 

Who knows what the future holds for any of us – all I know is that sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and just jump off that safe bridge, and trust that whatever you find at the bottom – you can handle it; good, bad or indifferent.

 

Not everyone in the world is a stand up person

On checking my email, this morning, I was reminded that the cheats, fakes and scammers aren’t just in the dating world.

This is what I received:

I am dying – please adopt my child and I will give you all my money!

 

I have a “business” deal for you!

It is a while since I have received emails like this – but I guess that is because the spam filter on my business email is not as well defined as my gmail accounts.  It is a salutary reminder that fakery is all around us – and we can’t take it personally.  We haven’t been targeted or singled out.  Many of these attempts are random – in the hopes that they will hook in one or two that will take the bait.

2018 – a year of new beginnings

Many of us start off a new year full of hope: that things will go our way, we will get slimmer, drink less, be more assertive, get richer, find a better job …..find love!

Let me share with you, dear reader, something I wholeheartedly believe.  That the exquisiteness that is life is in the journey.  The destination is never guaranteed – just enjoy the journey along the way!  If you do that – the destination becomes somewhat irrelevant.

Later,

Carol xOxO

 

Dear diary …

10th January 2018 (13:27)

Well dear diary, it has been a while since I posted to you.  I decided to forego all things social media during the Christmas/New Year holidays and wasn’t sure whether I would come back to all the fakery or leave it well and truly behind me.

Unfortunately, that is easier said than done, as I continue to receive messages from people who are either being duped by, or know someone who is being duped by fake-Thomases.  Not only that, I continue to find many fake profiles approaching me on the various dating websites that I use.

Sadly, I also have to report that I may have been conversing with yet another fake for the past three weeks.  More on that later.

On an upbeat note, I am happy to share that I have no less than 4 dates lined up this week!  Yes – you read that correctly – I have managed to break free from my dateless status.  The first is this afternoon, and I have been primping and preening.  Unfortunately, I should have read the label of the product that I bought onboard during my recent cruise – thinking that I was using a dead sea facial mask, the stinging alerted me to the fact that I might have got it wrong!

I am horrified to say that I now have a very angry red patch down the centre of my face!  I’m hoping that my priming base and foundation can cover it!  I can’t cancel as I promise I wouldn’t – as this one has been a long time coming and I have been decidedly flaky about it.  All of the others were arranged within a short time of chatting and certainly on the first day.  Best way – keep it short and sweet.  Time to make a decision whether to pursue after the initial meeting.

So, what of the other potential paramours I blogged about?

Well, I am sad to reveal that I have come to the conclusion that Dishy-guy was indeed a fake, even though he IM’d me a copy of his passport (who does that?) and updated pictures from his supposed ski-break over the New Year.  I wanted to believe that he was real and that he was indeed moving to the UK in April.  I never really settled in my mind that he wasn’t fake – and yesterday I just had to make a decision and call his bluff.  I am not entirely sure I am right – but hey – if he is a regular, stand up guy he will understand where I am coming from and call me when he actually moves.  Won’t be holding my breath on that one!  I will blog more about that later, as it is quite interesting the tiny nuggets that kept me from trusting him.

Although the last communication from him has me thinking I have made a terrible mistake!

10th January 2018 (22:44)

Just returned home from my very first date! Yes folks … I actually had one.  It was pleasant enough and I certainly enjoyed myself.  It made up somewhat for the disappointment earlier in the day when I turned up for what should have been my first date during the afternoon, only to discover on arriving that he had got mixed up and thought we were meeting tomorrow!

He called me and apologised profusely – and we had a long chat on the phone – our first actual conversation as all our communications have been via text and voicemails.  This is the one that I have been exchanging texts with for a few months now – and the one who is 15 years younger than me.  He persuaded me not to give up on him, and although I had to refuse his invitation to meet tomorrow (I already have a date planned, and after today I decided two dates in one day is too much!) I look forward to meeting him soon.

I have a further two dates this week – one definitely confirmed and the other I need to check on as we have not spoken since.   So WOW, yes – 4 dates in 4 days!

So with the exception of the younger guy, all the other dates were made within a short time of exchanging messages.  No messing – straight in there.  I really do think this is the way to go.

I am sad to report that the one that I really liked has gone by the bye.  He lived a bit further away, and although I was willing to give the distance thing a try (only 3 hours down the motorway), it seems he was not.  I know he had been unwell, but it felt as though he was cooling on me.  I kept telling myself to let it go – but then he initiated contact again – and so encouraged by my dating guru (the only friend I discuss my sorry tales of woe with) I decided to be bold and ask to meet.

To make it seem casual, I messaged him to say that I was visiting family an hour from him, and hoped that we could meet up.  I kept checking WhatsApp to see if he had picked up the message – and eventually he did. I did not get an answer though, and although I thought that a little strange, I wondered if he was giving it some thought.

Now – I have no issue with ANY of the men that I am conversing with logging into whichever dating site they use. After all – I still do – it is the nature of the game.  But when at 10pm I saw that he was logged into the dating site that we had started communicating on and had STILL not responded, I got pretty pissed off.  More-so with myself as I had allowed myself to start to bond with him by the nature of our conversations and the length of time we had been chatting.

Needless to say, I hurried off a message to say that I got the message and wished him well.  I didn’t wait around for a reply and cleared all our messages from WhatsApp (of which there were many), blocking him in the process.  I also unmatched with him on the dating site.

I was a little sad, as I really liked this guy.  When I also ditched the Viking I was even sadder.  Moreso it felt, then when I discovered Fake-Thomas was not real.  (or maybe with the passage of time I have forgotten how upset I was initially).

Tomorrow’s date is with Tommy-2-houses, as my guru has so kindly nicknamed him.  He is quite a bit older than me but I like the look of him (although he has admitted the picture is a little out of date) and when he called me we got on like a house on fire and the conversation flowed for over an hour.

I am not expecting it to develop into anything – but I am proud of the fact that I am going out of my comfort zone a little.  After all – nothing much was happening with the approach I was taking and so why not?  I may even be surprised and find that I fancy him after all!

Well, that is all for tonight folks.

Carol xOxO

 

 

Dear diary …

12th December 2017 14:00

Oh dear!  I think I might have just blown it with someone rather dishy:-(

My fakedar is so sensitive that I am no longer giving people a chance.  This profile, a really cute guy, messaged me.  I was about to make a joke about him being too cute to be a genuine profile when I saw the detail in his message.  I mean …. it was long.  Of course, my initial response to him confused him somewhat and he asked me to explain.  I tried to keep it light and briefly told him that I had recently been duped, and so I was ultra cautious online, and there were things about his profile that were red flags to me.

Firstly, he claims to be Scandinavian, living in Canada, and moving to the UK in the spring of 2018.  Ok, so that would take care of any grammatical issues.

Secondly, was the very long message he sent to me. Regular guys don’t do this – they say hi, or you’re gorgeous …. or maybe even something a little rude.  They do not send chapter and verse as an introduction.

But then I took a look at his profile – and boy, that was very long and detailed too.  As I read it though, it slowly dawned on me that maybe on this occasion I had got it wrong!  The things he wrote about were very specific and he talked about his siblings, about his job, and about his plans.

Maybe it is time to take a break from online

It seems, dear diary, that I can no longer discern between a real profile and a fake one.  Not surprising really that my fakedar is hypersensitive – I mean, I am coming across up to 5 fake profiles every day.

The realisation that I can no longer trust my own judgement brought me to tears.  Only for a few seconds but nonetheless, as hot tears prickled my cheeks, I resolved that I was just going to leave it alone.

I am not finding what I am looking for – and I have been full-on participating.  Checking out profiles, clicking and swiping – giving guys a second look when I don’t get that gut feeling that yeah, I would like to get to know them better at first glance.

Cancelled guy doesn’t seem to be speaking to me anymore, although he said he understood my reasons for cancelling.  (No, I didn’t tell him about my hangover, but gave a more acceptable – and actually truthful scenario as the reason for my backing out).  He hasn’t picked up my last two messages – and who can blame him?  I know he works through the day and maybe he just didn’t get to them – but hey – I’ve binned guys for being flaky too.

Is there ever any point to compromise?

Of course, there is nice guy – and we chat a lot.  I’m not sure though – that there is enough of a spark between us to take it any further. We had agreed to meet, although a date and time has not been set in stone.  He’s not the pushy type – but hey – it would be good to know he isn’t just going through the motions.

And then there is cute guy.  I actually quite like cute guy, and he is pushing to meet.  Everyday, he tries to persuade me to let him come over.  Trouble is, dear diary, we want different things.  At the outset of this period of online-dating-dalliance, I was very clear in my own mind what I did and didn’t want.  So why am I even considering changing the rules to suit a man that although cute, I don’t actually know?   Ok, so yes, he does message me every day.  Yes, he would travel the 35 or so miles at the drop of a hat if I agreed to see him.  As I have mentioned before, there is a 15 year age gap.  Had I met this guy in a bar, and he asked me out – I am sure I would give it a try.

I think though, that when you haven’t met, it is so much harder to know whether the spark is there or not. Photographs are all well and good, but you need to see the crinkle around their eyes, the upturned mouth as they smile – and more importantly, you need to be drawn to them in such a way that is simply just not possible unless you meet in the skin.

So, dear diary, why don’t I just meet him?  Well, I had agreed to meet him next week – but then he texted me yesterday asking if he could pop in.  I mean, pop in?  You do that when you are around the corner – not when you are 35+ miles away.  I suppose the answer to that is that I don’t want to have to deal with the disappointment if the spark is not there.

Crazy I know …. the truth is – that we have shared a little too much for it to just be an “oh let’s meet and see if we like each other” deal.  I like him. I actually like him.  He insists that he really likes me too.  I’m not so convinced.  I think he enjoys the banter and likes the fact that I am not easily phased if he tries to become a little risque.  After all, we are both adults – and I am more than capable of taking him down a peg or two if needed.  Which I have – and do!

Ok, so I was a bit naughty this morning and let him think that he could come over – and when he was all “wow” about it … I countered that I hadn’t finished my sentence.  He didn’t reply after that.  I don’t blame him really … I mean … he can’t make it any plainer.  But then, I can’t make it any plainer either what my deal is.  He agrees to it and then he tries to change the plan.

So, dear diary, I am not convinced that I will meet him.  Maybe then, I should let him off the hook that he seems to be dangling from.  I’m not one to be a spoilsport – but yes, I can be a bit of a tease if I have a mind to be.  Between the two of us, I rather think it is I who is playing games.

A second bite at the cherry?

Well, the rather dishy guy who I accused of being fake has messaged me again. I have decided to interact with him but just be cautious – as I always am.  I mean, nothing ventured nothing gained right?  And if he does turn out to be fake, it can only hurt me if I fall for it.  That, dear diary, is not something I will let happen again.

Oh, and Captain Lindegaard is back on Facebook.  Albeit he has shared that he is keeping his profile private.  I don’t blame him.  There is a gang of men misappropriating his identity and his images.  It incenses me that Facebook, where the majority of the fake profiles are – do nothing to tackle this issue.

I’m also getting a little weary of some of the more persistent messages that I receive on my Facebook page.  I mean, seriously, all contributions to the cause are to be applauded – but please, don’t give me a hard time about who I am – anyone who wants to know who I am can check me out by following the links to my websites or my blog!

That dear diary, is all I have to say for now …. as my fingers and toes are cold and I need to go switch the heating on!

Later

Carol xOxO

Website     Facebook page      Twitter  @BeYourBestSelf2 / Twitter @FakeDatingRebel   Social Media Groups

Image of Captain Thomas Lindegaard.

As ever, images of Captain Thomas Lindegaard are used with his kind permission.  Copyright remains with him and these should not be used for any reason without his explicit consent.

If you are approached on any site from a profile using images of this man (Captain Thomas Lindegaard), please be aware that there is a Tsunami of fake profiles out there using his images.