This article first appeared on www.phoenixcoachingsolutions.co.uk
As I lay on my makeshift bed, I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable. It has taken a long time to get me to this point – this is where I check out. I lay unmoving, waiting. The next day I am still waiting. Err … ok, so my overdose hasn’t worked and I am still here. I guess I had better ask for some help! How did I come to this? I had been a functioning depressive for may years. Outwardly smiling and efficient at work, yet in my personal life – I was falling apart. I was in debt, I couldn’t afford to make repairs to my house and I quite simply stopped functioning outside of work.
The final straw that broke me was when my precious dogs were removed from my house. They were well fed, they were healthy, but their living environment – our living environment was chaotic and unkempt. What followed was a year of being apart from my beloved dogs (my only reason for living), being pursued by an uncaring (towards humans) animal charity and appearing in court on my birthday to answer charges of neglect. Fortunately, I was able to secure a barrister from London, and I was acquitted and my dogs returned to me. They both died of old age at 12 years and 16 years.
So what changed for me? What took me from the depths of despair to being in control of my life, happy and NOT depressed?
Personal responsibility is the key to happiness
It was so liberating.
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies with their own hands.” __Anne Frank
Taking Personal Responsibility for Happiness Involves Surrendering
Not blaming others for your misfortunes or the way you feel.
Being happy regardless of the external circumstances or situation.
Your functional state is based on interpretation rather than reality.
You can be happy regardless of negative events in your life.
Taking personal responsibility is empowering
I hope that, from this article, you get a sense of how truly liberating learning to take personal responsibility is. It is so important, and has been so crucial to my own happiness and fulfilment, that it is the central tenant to my Coaching Programme: Becoming PHENOMENAL.
This article first appeared on www.phoenixcoachingsolutions.co.uk
Taking personal responsibility not only shapes the action we take, and how we feel about our life, it also has the power to attract everything in life that we desire. Cassie Jordan
What is the greatest thing that taking personal responsibility has given you? What have you lost by not taking personal responsibility? Comment below, we would love to hear your stories.
Dear diary, I have deleted the image showing the name and picture of the man that I came to believe was fake. In a moment of clarity ….ok well, I think I will keep that to myself. I have no wish to cause him any harm. I am not convinced he is a fake … if he is not, he is incredibly stupid.
4th May 2018
So it has been a struggle the last few days to come to terms with how things have played out with my would-be-distant-paramour. I knew I had made a HUGE mistake, the problem was … I did not know whether that was in trusting him in the first place or not trusting him. Not knowing was eating me up inside.
I sent him an email outlining exactly why I believed he fit the “profile”. I suppose I did this because my heart did not want to believe it was true, and if I was wrong – I wanted him to understand why I was yet again accusing him.
The silence in response was deafening. If there is one thing worse than not knowing, it is being ignored. My problem is …if I don’t know 100%, then I have a tendency to pick at the scab to provoke a response.
This morning, I sent the above to him and then deleted the app that we had been exchanging messages on. I had already deleted it, but as I was struggling with this – I reloaded it hoping to get some kind of acknowledgement from him.
This morning I did … although I no longer had the app, the message came via the browser on my phone. The message exchange says it all.
In my earlier post I did not reveal his identity. Even now, I am not entirely convinced that he is fake, and part of me wants to believe that he is saying it to enable me to move on. Ha! My critical friend on my shoulder is reminding me not to be such a fool. I guess it is human nature to hold onto hope.
A last word for the person who took the time to comment on my last post – although I did not authorise it to be shown…. you are entitled to your opinion. If sharing my story helps to warn other women then I choose to out the fakes. I know who you are, because I recognise the name and email address.
You need to stop this obsession of catching fake profiles on dating sites.
You were conned. Get over it and get on with your life.
I suppose on one level it is hugely embarrassing to admit that I have been caught out again. But then, all along I had my doubts – but I did not and will not let this stop me from looking for love. It just won’t be with anyone that is not able to meet up quickly.
All that is left for me to say, is don’t give up on love. Don’t let the fakes win. And above all else, no matter how attached you become – if you haven’t met them – you cannot 100% trust them until you do.
Take care of yourselves, and be safe
I had cause to reflect today, on everything that has happened since the time on 19th November when I discovered the man that I was so excited about was in fact a fake Thomas.
It is fair to say that it is a minefield out there – but something struck me today when I was talking about another issue. Personal responsibility. There is not much we can do to stem the tide of people who see no wrong in duping and scamming others – heaven knows, we have tried. The hours that have been dedicated to reporting the fake Thomases and warning other women are staggering. Not to mention the money I have handed over to Facebook to run adverts (better than the scammer having my money and my choice).
We each have our own story, and we each have our own personal influences. What we all have in common, is that we can choose to NOT be a victim when others try to exert their immoral behaviour on us. We can take care that we know who we are talking to and whereas I accept that the intense feelings that arise lead us to think we are in love (as I have experienced it myself) – it is the stimuli that is igniting our brains and making us feel that way. Fortunately for me, once the stimuli was removed, the intensity of my feelings subsided. After all … you cannot be in love with something that is not real. You can have feelings of intense pleasure in response to the pretty words and the flattering attention – that is not the same as enduring love.
For those women who continue to struggle with that happened to them, I would hazard a guess that they have other things going in their lives and the distress and disappointment has caused a loop. I cannot fathom though, how the real Captain Thomas Lindegaard Madsen must feel at the vitriol and obsessive way in which he is pursued.
It is a sad reflection that it has been beyond difficult to get anyone at #Facebook to listen and to apply correctly the community standards. That is a battle that I fear we will never win.
What I want to say to any person who reads this post – live your life the way you want to, develop the relationships in your life in the way that you want to – but please, be vigilant and accept that you have personal responsibility to protect yourself from those who would do you harm.